Plan of Attack: Part Two

Now, as I've said before, around here, Mama Nature goes off her meds in the Spring, so I wasn't entirely surprised by the rainy tantrum she threw that next day keeping me indoors.  I shrugged it off.  There was always the next weekend...

A ton of rain, two cold snaps, a complete marital meltdown, a sci-fi/fantasy convention, a visit from most of the family, and a tornado helped me pass the rest of March and half of April.  So, here I am, Saturday, April 16th, doing my best to keep looking forward and not commit seppuku.

Despite the aforementioned complete marital meltdown, the husband kept his word to buy me some garden soil, which we picked up earlier today.

The conversation started with him asking, "How deep do you want it when it's spread out?  Three or six inches?"

I shrugged, trying to not remind him that I have the math skills of a brain-dead monkey.  "I don't know."

He did some calculations.  "Six inches will require about forty-four bags of dirt."

"Three inches it is," I said.

I tried hard to focus on how happy I was to be getting a garden among all this turmoil and ignore the urge to have a nervous breakdown as the nice guys loaded the bags of soil onto the truck.

The twenty-two bags of soil.

The twenty-two 40 pound bags of soil.

I just kept smiling and breathing and wishing for a few shots of tequila.

Think of the garden, think of the garden, think of the garden...

I also bought one of those hand tillers that looks like a twisty fork hoping it would make breaking up the rest of the plot easier.

It in that it made it easier to re-till the first half and break up the weeds and grass in the second half.  It didn't in that it was still tedious work that helped me discover new muscles that are currently calling me foul names.

In the end, I have nicely turned earth and a growing compost heap thanks to all those leaves.  Tomorrow I get to do what everyone declares is the Fun Part: planting.  (Personally, I figured the Fun Part would be eating the resulting veggies, but who am I to argue?)

I am going to attempt Companion Gardening, which is planting certain plants together so that they benefit each other's grow and/or keep away certain pests.  I have no desire to use pesticides for many reasons, especially since I aspire to raise honey bees next year.  The problem is there are some plants that can actually hurt each other's growth...

If anyone ever asks me what it's like to plant a garden, I will tell them that it's like planning a dinner party where a third of the guests hate each other and putting them at the same table would inevitably result in a brawl.

I have spent the last two hours just trying to figure out who are friends, who are enemies, and who are the laid back dudes who just don't care.

I think I finally have it figured out:

Will Uncle Cucumber imbibe a little too much fertilizer and try to beat up Aunt Pak Choy?  Will the tomatoes be uncontrollable brats and make the chard want to stomp them?  Will the Onions just say, "Screw it!" and stomp out in a fit of melodrama?

With hope, this tentative lay out will mean relative peace and prosperity in my garden.

But, you know, "the best laid schemes of mice and men go often askew..."

We shall see what we shall see.




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If a veggie war were to break out in my yard, I wonder who the winner would be.  Cucumbers could take 'em all out by sheer numbers, but pumpkins are like nature's land mines and can just nuke the whole thing.  I guess I'll find out if I go out one day and find myself cleaning pumpkin guts off the side of the house.  (And, yes, it's very true about the pumpkins.)